


Infinite as the Universe We Hold Inside

by charmingStrangeness



Series: Sakamoto Week 2017 [6]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Meta, No Plot/Plotless, sakamoto week 2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-11-18 09:01:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11288016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charmingStrangeness/pseuds/charmingStrangeness
Summary: An exploration of the things that make Sakamoto Tatsuma the man that he is, through the eyes of those who know him best.Written forSakamoto Week 2017Day 6 - Meta





	Infinite as the Universe We Hold Inside

**Author's Note:**

> A character study counts as a type of meta, right? (Well, it does now, because I said so.)
> 
> This was the first idea I had when I was browsing the list of prompts, the first fic I started to work on back when I started writing these, and, ironically, turned out to be the hardest to write and the last one I finished. It's... really tough writing character study type fics (how do some of y'all do this??? seriously) and I think I managed some sections well while other sections are on the rougher side, but what matters most is for my message, the things I wanted to say about Sakamoto, to come through as it's read, and I think it does achieve that much at the very least.
> 
> Enjoy!

“I’ve made up my mind! I’m going to space.” 

As with every statement that comes out of Sakamoto Tatsuma’s mouth, those words are simultaneously the most confounding and yet most blatantly obvious thing that Gintoki has ever heard, in his life, and he can’t think of a damn thing to say in reply.

_That’s what the Amanto attacking us now probably thought,_ he wants to point out. But no, Tatsuma doesn’t care about petty things like that. Tatsuma is a big enough person to know that the circumstances of Earth’s invasion are more complex than ‘all Amanto everywhere in the universe are Bad and Out To Get Us’, and a big enough fool to not give a shit even if that were true.

And sure enough, without any prompting, Tatsuma launches into a speech that’s far too beautiful for someone so stupid to have come up with; it feels like he's laying bare the solution to world peace with all his talk of the pointlessness of war and looking at the world from a bigger perspective. When Tatsuma speaks, the answers to all their problems seem so glaringly simple, and yet Gintoki can’t seem to make sense of it all, either – it’s like listening to a genius, or to a naive child, or both simultaneously.

It’s always been like this  – Tatsuma has been an undefinable enigma, a paradox, from the very first moment he appeared in Gintoki’s life. He’ll wrack up accomplishments and sales deals and cut down enemies with all the grace of a true noble, then turn around and puke on you and act like a child and make basic mistakes and laugh his idiot loud laugh the whole time as if he’s done nothing wrong whatsoever. He’s obnoxious and empty-headed, but he’s also idealistic and pure and _good,_ and it’s absolutely captivating. The cognitive dissonance of it all makes Gintoki’s brain ache. 

“How 'bout it, Gintoki? You’re much to good to stay cooped up on this tiny planet. Come with me.” 

As with every statement that comes out of Sakamoto Tatsuma’s mouth, those words are even _more_ crazy and unsurprising than every other statement so far. Gintoki can’t believe Tatsuma would actually ask; Gintoki can’t believe he didn’t see that question coming from miles away. And as with every other statement prior, Gintoki has _no clue whatsoever_ how to respond.

_Why me?_ he wants to ask.

_I’m not the one who’s too good for this planet,_ he wants to say.

_I want to come with you,_ he wants to admit.

_But I can’t leave this planet behind,_  he wants to decline.

Gintoki settles on feigning sleep, instead. It’s easier than trying to find the right answer, easier than trying to untangle the contradictory knot that is Sakamoto Tatsuma.

 

* * *

 

When Shinsuke learns that Tatsuma’s been injured while carrying a wounded enemy soldier, he’s not sure whether he ought to laugh or cry. One thing is for certain though – it’s not a surprising piece of news in the least.

“You were a terrible samurai to begin with,” Shinsuke says, because it’s true. Tatsuma has always been far too kind, to the point of reckless idiocy. If Shinsuke is honest with himself, he’s seen this coming since the first time Tatsuma tried to break up a fight between him and the silver mop-head. Only a fool or Katsura would get between Gintoki and Shinsuke when they were arguing. “It’s an idiotic ending, so it suits you.” 

No, Shinsuke is not remotely surprised that Tatsuma’s softheartedness has earned him a career-ending injury… but that doesn’t mean he’s okay with it, either. He manages to keep his cool while he’s lecturing the idiot; there’s something about Tatsuma that makes it hard to stay angry in his presence, and for once Shinsuke is actively thankful for it. The worst he can manage is fond exasperation as the fool jokes about peeling apples with his sword (as if that’s the worst loss that will come out of this injury).

As soon as Shinsuke leaves to hunt down the perpetrator, though, the anger begins to seep in. The whole situation is grossly unfair; Tatsuma has done nothing but _help,_ after all. He’s a pacifist and yet he’s funded an entire war and acted as a key player to their success in more battles than Shinsuke can count. Even in his stupid moments, _especially_  in his stupid moments, he’s unparalleled at keeping the morale of their troops high. And above all, he’s kept the volatile disciples of Yoshida Shouyo from crashing and burning – Tatsuma has been there to support the three of them through some of the roughest patches of their friendship, solving disputes and mediating and even becoming a punching bag when necessary, to the point that Shinsuke sometimes forgets that Tatsuma hasn’t been with them since the early days of Shouka Sonjuku. 

It’s not _fair._ Someone whose only faults are an empty head and an overflowing heart, someone whose only goal is to make people smile – someone like that doesn’t deserve to lose his sword arm for any reason, much less the crime of showing compassion to an injured soldier. 

War isn’t fair, though. Life isn’t fair. So Shinsuke deals with the pain of these injustices the only way he knows how – by burying them deep in his heart to be internalized or forgotten, and crushing down the nagging hope that maybe Tatsuma will heal and return to the battlefield once more.

Later, after Gintoki cuts down the very man they went to war to protect and Shouyo’s disciples go their separate ways, Shinsuke will look back and realize that Sakamoto’s injury was the beginning of the end, after all, and that he was right not to hope for any miraculous returns. 

(Although being right about something has never tasted so bitter.)

There’s one small consolation in all of it, though – maybe he suffered a grievous injury, but at least Sakamoto was lucky enough to get out of the thick of things before it all went south. The end of the war has been nothing but hell, and Sakamoto Tatsuma’s kindness has no place here. 

Shinsuke can’t help but wonder, though – he tries to quash the thought but it’s still there, all the same – if that very kindness could have salvaged them, the same way it always used to. Could Sakamoto, who supported Shouyo’s disciples, who was often the glue holding them all together – could he have intervened, and prevented them from collapsing in on themselves?

Of course, it’s irrelevant; the past can’t be changed, after all. So Shinsuke deals with the thought the only way he knows how – by burying it deep with everything else.

 

* * *

 

“God, what did that bastard buy this time around, bricks? Cinder blocks?” Gintoki lets the crate he’s carrying drop unceremoniously to the ground, and then drops himself unceremoniously onto the crate. “Hold up a second, I’m taking a quick break.” 

“For someone who’s supposed to be one of the strongest samurai alive, you sure are whiny,” Mutsu comments dryly as she sets down her own crate. _And it’s not cinder blocks, it’s probably pebbles,_ she adds, but only to herself. Gintoki wouldn’t get the joke.

Across from her, Gintoki sighs. “You could kill a man with that razor tongue of yours, you know. Besides, you shouldn’t complain about the person who’s helping you pack all of this stuff up.” 

“Mm, I suppose.” 

“I’m surprised you guys stuck around after all that,” Gintoki continues. “After the real Elizabeth got back from his vacation, I would’ve expected you to head back into space right away.” 

Mutsu shrugs. “There were trades to be made. Do you really think a businessman would skip town without stopping to do some business?” Besides, Mutsu had needed the time to make some further renovatations to the Kairinmaru.

“Ugh, of course not.” Gintoki shakes his head fondly. “He’s a merchant through and through, after all.” 

Mutsu finds herself nodding in agreement. “Truth be told, I still can’t believe it even occurred to him to try and sell the Earth to the Renho. Even if it was just a tactic to buy time.” It’s been a decade, but Sakamoto still continues to surprise her with some of his business ideas on a near-daily basis.

“Ha! You think that’s bad?” Gintoki waves a hand through the air in indignation. “After we got out of those stupid Renho costumes and started fighting, you know what the fucker did? He _sat his ass down_ in the middle of a battle, and started marketing the Joui rebels! He tried to sell is own friends, and his own damn _self,_ and you wanna know the worst part? It actually _worked!”_  

Mutsu raises an eyebrow – she’d known that there had been a fight when they had been revealed to be spies, but this is the first she’s heard of Sakamoto trying to polish up the former Joui rebel generals for display. It’s hardly surprising, though, given his history as a trader. 

“So, you belong to the Renho now?” she teases. 

Gintoki frowns. “Ugh, I hope not. I mean, really, he was just conning them into forming an alliance with us, in a really roundabout way.” 

“Conning, huh? It sounds like it was nothing more than a smart trade to me.” People are always accusing Sakamoto of being a con-man, but Mutsu knows better than that – he’s just, really, _really_ damn smart, and not afraid of using anything he can as a bargaining chip. People don’t expect it since he comes across as an idiot most of the time; even Mutsu had fallen for it when they’d first met. But underneath that goofy exterior lies a mind sharper than any katana.

“A smart trade, huh? You’ve spent far too much time around him.” Gintoki wrinkles his nose in disgust.

“Maybe so,” she smiles softly. _Or maybe not enough._ In terms of trading, Sakamoto is still eons ahead of Mutsu, after all. She still has so much to learn from him.

 

* * *

 

A short hum of satisfaction rises from Katsura’s throat as he surveys his calligraphy work on the banner. He’d have liked to bring more decorations, but the arrival of the letter that morning hadn’t left enough time to prepare anything more than this. Pulling out said invitation, Katsura skims it for what feels like the hundredth time – _if you’d like, why don’t we get the gang back together for a drink or two?_ – but it’s no less mysterious than when he first read it. He frowns.

“Ah, Zura! There you are!” 

Katsura quickly tucks the letter back into the sleeve of his haori and turns around.

“It’s not Z— Oh, Sakamoto. It’s you.” 

“Hahaha! Sure is! Say, what’s that banner over there?” Sakamoto peers past Katsura’s shoulder. “‘ _Joui Rebel Reunion?’_ Wait, is that what this is all about?” 

Katsura nods. “I’ll explain fully once Gintoki gets here, but yes, this is a reunion party.” 

“Ahhh, excellent!” Sakamoto grins, and reaches into an inner pocket on his jacket. “In that case… How about some Uno, for old times’ sake?” He casually tosses a deck onto the table between them, and Katsura’s heart leaps with excitement. Of _course_ he wants to play, but there are still things to do… 

“Help me hang this banner first.” 

“Awwe, no fun, Zura. I haven’t seen you in ages and you’re making me work right off the bat?” 

Katsura sighs. “Fine, but just one game. And it’s not Zura, it’s Katsura!” 

“Ahaha! Of course it is, Zura!” 

Katsura frowns and Sakamoto begins to shuffle cards. _Would it kill him to take life seriously once in a while?_

“Earth rules or space rules?” Sakamoto asks as he deals out the cards.

“We’re on Earth, so Earth rules, obviously,” Katsura replies, and picks up his hand. 

Despite Katsura's carefully strategic play that takes into consideration all the possibilities for attacks and counter-attacks, it’s Sakamoto, who slaps down cards with a reckless abandon that borders on being completely haphazard, that nearly clears his hand within a few turns. A stroke of luck brings a wild card into Katsura’s hand and the game into his favour, though, and soon enough he’s forgotten strategy entirely and is completely absorbed in the thrill of the game. So absorbed, in fact, that he immediately demands a rematch without a second thought when Sakamoto eventually wins.

“Ohhhh? What happened to one game only, Zura?” Sakamoto raises an eyebrow, and Katsura feels his cheeks colour.

“I meant one best of three match, obviously! Pass me the cards, I’ll deal this time.” The truth is, of course, that he’d forgotten about the ‘one game only’ stipulation entirely, but it’s hardly his fault! Sakamoto is just… so _easy_ to relax around. Katsura spends so much time stressed out – he’s the leader of an entire rebel faction, constantly on the run from the police, and prior to that he was a general in a war, and even further back he had to shoulder the responsibility of raising himself – but something about Sakamoto makes him forget all of that,  _really_  forget all of it, in a way he usually can’t. Everything is simpler, somehow, when Sakamoto is around and in the mood to play games. There’s less tension in Katsura’s shoulders, and everything is a touch funnier, and even being called ‘Zura’ doesn’t irritate him as much. It was like this during the war, too; whenever the atmosphere got too heavy, it was always Sakamoto who was the one to lighten the mood. 

Sakamoto wins their second game, and best of three turns into best of five, and halfway through their tie-breaking game Katsura finally checks the time.

“Ah, shit! We still need to hang the banner!” 

“Good thing Kintoki is running late!” Laughing, Sakamoto reaches for the banner. “Let’s hang it quickly now so I can get back to kicking your ass!” 

“Hmph. You think you’re kicking my ass? I’m the one in control of this game, you just haven’t realized it yet!” Katsura boasts, then, as an afterthought, adds, “also, it’s not Kintoki, it’s _Gin_ toki, you know.” 

“Oh, I know, I know…  _Katsura_ -san!” Sakamoto winks, and Katsura can’t help but burst into a fit of laughter.

* * *

 

The battle has finally ended, the Kairinmaru has been repaired, the Kaientai fleet has safely departed Rakuyou and is en route to Earth, and Nobunobu is laying on his bed in his cramped sleeping quarters staring at the ceiling. 

So much has happened in such a short time – so much has _changed._ Although some things haven’t – he still desires the title of shogun, after all. Although now he wants to use that title to genuinely help the Earth, rather than simply bask in the power and recognition that accompany it. 

It was a plot twist he never could have seen coming, if he’s honest with himself. Although in retrospect it’s unsurprising, given who he’s travelling with. If Sakamoto Tatsuma can be such a paradox of a man in and of himself, it only makes sense that he’d draw out that kind of development in the people around him. 

_A big man, or a big fool?_ That’s what Nobunobu had wondered, back during the Harsume Third Division’s attack. He’d had it all wrong, though – Sakamoto isn’t one or the other, he's both, simultaneously. 

And if Sakamoto can be both, then Nobunobu can pull a complete U-turn and decide to be a proper shogun now, can’t he?

Nobunobu chuckles to himself – even _that_  had ultimately been Sakamoto’s suggestion, with all his talk of taking responsibility and seeing through his duties to the end. 

And it’s not just Nobunobu, either. He’s been on the ship long enough to have heard Mutsu’s stories of how she left behind a life of piracy to become a trader. He’s seen the way the other Joui patriots trust and respect Sakamoto, and how much the crew admire and support him. Sakamoto just… has that kind of effect on people, a certain spark of inspiration that draws people to him, and makes them want to become the best they can be.

At the end of the day, Nobunobu counts himself lucky, he thinks, that it was Sakamoto who picked him up off the ground. No one else would have seen the best in him. No one else would have believed in him. No one else would have given him a chance at redemption.

That Sakamoto Tatsuma is an interesting man, alright, and Nobunobu will always be glad to have met him.

(And he’s positive he’s not the only one who feels that way.) 

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from [Sun](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOQrfLFDUKY) by Sleeping At Last, but it's worth mentioning that [How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYvyh3IIdDk) from The Sound of Music ended up stuck in my head while writing this and I was on the verge of titling this 'How Do You Hold a Moonbeam in Your Hand?' for, well, hopefully obvious reasons.
> 
> If you have any thoughts or questions I'd love to hear them - drop a comment below or stop by my writing tumblr @ [charmingstrangeness](http://charmingstrangeness.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> Sakamoto Week wraps up tomorrow - see you all then for Day 7!


End file.
